yay .. today finally i stayed at home liao and of course i like to take this time to reflect on myself .. how to improve and keep improving .. 07/08/08 .. just need this good rest stay home pak dota .. sat down chat with family members for awhile .. long didnt do it for last few days .. everyday out also sian diao sap .. i had a fun outing yesterday but i left my precious sunglass with wenfu .. dam sap .. today ah boon sms me for supper but i didnt go also .. but sorry sap .. really wanna stay at home man .. really scared of going out liao .. going out is 0ki .. but to control pocket $ to spend is difficult loh .. somemore i m some1 who like fashion .. watever i see looks nice to me i got that temptation to buy sia .. hais .. for time being just wanna had a good rest this holiday .. waiting for the cisco security job to increase my income for more disposal expenses to spend .. heee .. last nite i slept arounds 5+am sia .. i just try to force myself to slps .. alot things just flash back .. good ones bad ones also hab .. but 1 thing is tat image of her keep appearing in my mind when i closed my eyes trying to slps ..somemore met 1 time nia ..my bad lar .. i had a good memory .. i can remember things fast tats 1 of my talent ..i want to forget everything lar.. hais .. i neber hab this missing feeling for so long .. arh .. its hurts in me .. does she l0ves me ? is she the one ? or m i the one ? .. so many questions and i m confused .. i duno who can understand it .. i can only confide everything with my bloggy .. my family wun understands nor my frens .. they will only pester me to faster find gf nia zz .. whenver come to bgr , i will tongue tight and felt l0st .. the only thing i wanna do is to drink .. only in drunk state can i forget .. but its just for awhile nia .. i still looking for drinking partners that can accompany me drink+share each other thoughts .. got to look for alcohol fridge to put in my room for my own convenience .. whenever i emo/sad can straight away drink nia .. heee .. tats also remind me of kungfu dunk basketball captain (forgot his name) always drink nia .. call me a coward or running away from reality i also dun care .. i had too much failed experiences in bgr and i really cant face it no more .. goD pls give me the strength and save me from this sap .. pls give me someone who really loves me and i will be sure to shower her with l0ving tender care from me .. and i will do my best for it ... i took this phrase from my fren nick =x Isn't it ironic?? We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us? Hurt those who love us and love those who hurts us??? nice one rite ? heee .. for me 50-50 true loh .. in bgr i feel tat there is no right or wrong .. its the choices tat individual made .. as in to love or not to love .. loves means love .. it dun need any special reasons .. just like 1+1 =2 .. enjoying each other companion is the most important cos once together .. u hab to live together till the end .. i always ask myself alot questions .. if i love her .. should i let her go ? cos i dun tink i can give her happiness and the things shes wans .. before love, afraid to tell her .. once got love .. afraid to lose her .. hais .. got stead trouble .. no stead also trouble .. y is tat so .. y does love exists sia .. i really had too much unhappiness for this le .. i can drink alots and kept quiet in one corner without talking when i emo/sad .. i sob and crys over this also .. so ? do i care ....... i do care ... wat i dun care is how ppl looks at me ..its my life .. WHyssss and whys l0ves .. cmi liao .. got to habe a good rest today .. slept little last nite .. due to missing somebody ..... l0st in l0ve .. a s0ng for myself .. kai bu liao kou - jay zhou jie lun ..